The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
