you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
