Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
