dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
