Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
