Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
