apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
