dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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