I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
