You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dick very happy bro
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
