you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
