Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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