Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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