when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
