watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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