I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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