dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it hurts more in the daytime
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
