I am puke
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
