You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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