i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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