your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
