You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
