I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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