so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
