we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you had me at cake vodka
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
