I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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