when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
