i just had sex bonerless
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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