Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
