there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
