You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
