he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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