1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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