I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
