If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
