I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
