He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
