Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
