I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
love makes seman taste better
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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