If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
