I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
