I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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