new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
