If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
