mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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