so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your penis caused this!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
