I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
fuck your aforementioned shoe
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
