Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
