Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
