don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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