people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
