The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
