you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
