that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
