the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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