I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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