I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
whose ass print is on the piano?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
