Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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